WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
