I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
