somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
it glows. i had to have it.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
