White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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