This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
