i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
