I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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