Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
this is an emotional support booty call
Randomize
