Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
