why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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