I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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