in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
