she looked like the before picture.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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