When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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