listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
