Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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