the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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