About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
