I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
