worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
