you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
