I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Randomize
