I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Actions speak louder than pants.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
