when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
