Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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