you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
