im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
