i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
