Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
