it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
