I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Randomize
