I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
