Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
