U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
