Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
