i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
