there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
bring money and cleavage
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
