Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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