AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
