I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
