Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
