Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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