I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
