I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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