I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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