Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
