I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
