So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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