I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
