I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize