I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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