Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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