Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
