just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
