He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We have started to decorate penises.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
