First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
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