She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
