Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
