Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
