just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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