we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
