This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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