there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Green mimosas i think yes
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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