you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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