So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
