Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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