dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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