She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
My cat gives me a boner
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
