His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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